Monumental

Today is one of those monumental days in my life of an accountant - the offical two year anniversary since beginning my career in public accounting.



It is a day of celebration, or at least it should be. But, somehow, at the same time I have feelings of sadness and confusion. How did I get here? Why? And, what's next?

Although it has been a hard road, I am still here. Overworked and underpaid, but still kicking. I've always considered two years to be THE hurdle. My goal has always been to earn my CPA and get a couple of years of experience. Could I actually survive two years? Well, I have. I've begun to wonder if those like me who are still here are really to be applauded and congratulated or if I should be scolded for not having the guts to get out and move on. I used to read those emails about people leaving the firm and think, "Man, they just couldn't hack it." Now when I read those emails, a pang of jealousy sweeps over me.

Part of the problem is I feel like I've been driven like cattle for the last 5 years since I began the accounting program at BYU. It is like a big conspiracy. I didn't know the slightest thing about the industry before then. Yet, the path into public accounting is like a door that is wide open with neon lights flashing above it that can be seen for miles away. It is like there is no other option. And, after being herded for so long, I don't even know what it is like to turn the knob on a new door and open it myself.

It is easy to become comfortable. I don't know how one begins to feel comfortable working 500 hours of overtime every year. Yet, somehow, leaving work around 6pm feels like leaving work early. A conversation with a fellow co-worker this week began around 6:45pm and ended with, "If I get off early, I'll call you." When and how did 7pm become early in my brain? It took her pointing out to me that that phrase was wrong before I even noticed it was wrong. Obviously, I've somehow become comfortable with said overtime. Calculating it out, I even earn about $5 less per hour of my life due to the firm milking me for all I'm worth.

It all comes down to this--I survived two years because I am lazy. And to top it off, they reward this laziness by offering me a promotion and dangling a bonus over my head. And somehow it is working for the time being. Granted, my survival that far wasn't all due to laziness or lack of better options, it did take some sort of motivation to make it here, but I'll say this...my motivation is fading fast.

Mind you, the experience I've gained, I probably wouldn't trade. I wouldn't change the path I've taken or people I've met. I've learned so much and accomplished a huge goal in my life and really am quite happy I've made it this far. But, now that I've reached my goal, the big question that remains...what's next? Staying with EY? Hair school? Teaching? Or, something entirely unexpected? Again, something I don't know. I'm trying to figure out how to open that door. However, I will say that something is in the works and a change may be on it's way in some way, shape, or form.